A Tale of ‘They Don’t Know That We Know They Know…’

September 6, 2018 – The Victory of Love

A victory for thousand souls
who suffocated their feelings
living a life our society could approve
And as I sit down to explain
I will be asked a million times
“Are you among them?”
And even if I were to be
will you take me seriously then?

Can’t I just be a voice,
resonating the ones
failing to express
how it finally feels?
So here I am being a voice
that I always wanted to be.
Telling you a tale loud and clear
shattering your whispers
like a falling chandelier.

We are not the ones
feeling guilty and ashamed,
for we are not the ones
who called you names.
We know for a fact,
that it’s hard for you to accept.
But if the law did,
is it wrong for us to expect?

If you, the society
can for once bend your rules
and welcome a new world,
a world with less cultural fools.
So here’s hoping
that you will understand,
not that it’s a cry for help
but a genuine stand.

With an approved verdict
even if you try to resist
Believe it or not but we are here
and we will always exist.

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To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

Let me be honest, there is no Kitty in our life who will help us find “the one”. We all see ourselves in Lara Jean Covey in one way or other, not knowing how to speak our feelings out loud at the right time to the right person. And let’s just admit most of us suck at writing love letters (tried and failed terribly!!).

Due to my lack of capability for writing love letters to all the boys I have loved before, here I am trying to ramble on about my every possibility of “happily ever after” in a single post.

Unlike Lara Jean, I will not give you their names and when and where I met them all. Neither will I mention a back story; since the people who know me and are reading this, would definitely be able to track all those boys down. But one thing that I would certainly never forget to mention is how I felt when I felt it.

Hey. Hey!!! Don’t worry. It wasn’t all that disappointing and neither will this post be. Just remember, it has been different every single time. So hold your horses, here we go…

I don’t believe in soulmates, nor do I believe that we are meant to spend our entire life waiting for a perfect partner with a perfect timing. Because trust me, your idea of perfect partner at the age of 18 would not exactly be the same at the age of 21. And I am not talking about the people who find their “happily ever after” in school, eventually getting married and somehow keeping the spark alive. Neither am I talking about people who find their “happily ever after” every month.

Personally, I don’t fall in love often; unless we are not counting the characters of some random sitcom I am watching (His name is Chuck Bass, okay?). And I can never wait until the time is right, my impatient ass will never let me sit still. Not even for a second.

Anyway getting straight to the point, the one I significantly remember is the one around whom I was my absolute self with.
No judgements… only acceptance. Such bliss!
Okay now don’t ask me why didn’t that work, and you can’t ask me that at any point while reading this or even after you are done reading this, I am not telling. But it was the most happiest I ever felt. And that’s what we are talking about here, right? What I felt when I felt it.

The other one that I remember of was more like a reality check. Like it’s said, “There always has to be someone who gets you out of your fairytale.” Well, you can say that this was the one for me. It is also because of him, I believed, I could become a writer one day and it is also because of him I knew what kind of a man I would really like to be around with. Wasn’t him though.

Moving on, the next one was a complete surprise (even to my friends). I came across him in the midst of discovering myself. Discovering self has been my life long quest ever since I was 18, maybe. But he was an easy-to-go-with kind of a personality, still is. At times when I meet him, even today, we argue but we still get along just fine.

Unfortunately, perfect timings have never been my cup of tea. Don’t blame me, blame the timing!! I am kidding. Maybe perfect timing has indeed been my cup of tea. Why else would I have crossed paths with them all? That’s what I tell myself. I am going let this be, leaving it right here.

All I would say in the end is that you keep moving ahead. Although the companions kept changing along the way for me, it has made me the person I am today. And I am just 23, there are going to be a lot of people I meet before I settle down with my “happily ever after”. But I am glad that no matter how terrible I am at writing love letters to each one of them, if they are reading this today or if they ever read this, they would be nothing but happy to share a part in this story I wrote to all the boys I have loved before.

New Year, New Me!

Hurrah! You have successfully made it into twenty-eighteen and congratulations on wasting the last 10 days desperately waiting for Christmas and the year to end. Not the kind of wishes you were hoping for? Well, I couldn’t frame it in a better way!

 

With every New Year, comes a zest of living life differently than the previous year. And no matter how much you blame the stars for not giving you the perfect end, you still believe in the same stars to give you a perfect start. I am not here to discourage you for whatever oath you have taken this year, I just hoped you would have taken it sooner. Nor am I here to tell you to be brave or start your year with positivity and love, there are many others to tell you the same and in a much better way than I ever can.

 

Instead, I am here to say, no matter what this year has in plate for you, stop desperately waiting for years to end so that you can start afresh. Be it the first day of the year or the last, if you feel starting anew, start it today! Don’t waste your time waiting around for someone or something to happen. And most certainly, stop blaming the stars for the mistakes of your own. Because as John Green would say, “In the end, we can blame the stars or tell ourselves that it wasn’t meant to be, that it wasn’t destined to happen. But deep down we know that the stars were not at fault and it wasn’t ‘meant to be’. The fault was in ourselves.”

 

Happy New Year!

The One After ‘The One’ Part Five: This is the ‘The One’

Veer had made it very clear about his feelings towards me. I sat there lost in my own thoughts when everyone arrived. Sara couldn’t help but notice the disturbed look on my face and ask me if I could talk to her in private. She took me aside and started storming me with questions. I had kept this with me for a really long time now and I couldn’t anymore. I told her everything about how my world came trembling down one night and how I have been trying to keep up with it ever since. I told her about Veer and his proposal and like every best friend would suggest she asked me to go for the better one that has come my way. But moreover she knew I needed her more than any suggestions that moment. She decided to support me in whatever decision I take.
As we went back inside, Jay had already arrived and I got this deep sunken feeling as I looked at him. Our table was dead silent as I sat down. Everyone knew about the break up and I was just glad that they did not make it difficult by asking questions. Rest of the lunch was a dead silence to which some did try to crack jokes but after a few seconds of laughter it went back to being quiet.
As we left the rather dead lunch, I made an attempt to talk to Jay. For the love of our 8 years relationship, I thought I would make the initiative to talk to him. He still did not talk to me then, all he did was ignore me in every way possible. I had it enough from this guy, not only he ended the relationship unreasonably but did not even make an attempt to talk to me while I did.
I guess I had to make peace with the fact that this was not going to work after all. I did have an option of moving on with a better person. But wouldn’t it be wrong to be with someone you don’t love?
So, now I had to choose and I did. I chose to have a better life and this time not with a better person but with a better self. I don’t know for how long would I stay on my decision since I never usually do.
But for once this felt better, not making my happiness dependent on someone. There is so much more to life than just being in love with someone. The sooner you realise it the happier you are going to be. And living my life on my own terms is exactly “The One” that came “after The One”. If only it was this easier for everyone else out there.
THE END.

The One After ‘The One’ Nobody Saw This Coming…

I woke up with a headache. The thought of him returning and the fact that nobody knows about our split kept me awake the whole night. The day had finally come, maybe I will now know the reason he denied telling me all this while. I can finally confront him. But was I ready to face him yet?
As I walked out of my room, everyone was already at the dinning table having breakfast. As I approached to take a seat, everyone looked at me with curiosity. Do they already know? Is he here? Did he tell them? Oh god! What will I tell them? As Sara interrupted my thoughts, she told me I had been just drinking milk off my bowl with no cereals in it. Somehow I laughed it off and got back to eating breakfast.

The awkward breakfast got over and after a while we stepped out of the hotel to grab some lunch. I was traveling with one of friend’s cousin who had just returned from abroad about a week back. Him and I had got along really well in the past few days. So traveling with him was no awkward at all. We were supposedly the first ones to get down at this beautiful restaurant. Since everyone else were going to take a while to come we sat down at our table waiting.

Veer usually never initiates a conversation, but to my surprise that day he did. He looked at me in a way he never did before, it felt surprisingly very calming and comforting to have him look at me like that. And then there were those words, those assuring words which I was dying to listen to but coming from a different man altogether.

For him I was still in a relationship and he wanted to just let his feelings out for he had kept them away from everyone for so long. He did not want me to leave anyone and be with him, all he wanted was for me to know that he is immensely in love with me.

Maybe I had this one coming. I sat there thinking to myself, should I tell him that I’m not in a relationship? But I am not sure whether I like him or not. Isn’t this too soon to be happening? What should I tell him or should I say nothing?

Just when I thought I had enough questions already, I have a lot more now. How am I going to get through this?

The One After ‘The One’   Part Three: I am ‘The One’. Maybe

It  was first time in years that I was visiting my homeland. But before I could meet my family I was going to give a quick visit to my cousin who was having a vacation with his friends.

Like every guy does, I had vowed to myself not to fall for the trap for marrying a girl or even seeing one when my family insists.
Ironically, the moment I entered the hotel that my cousin was staying in; was where I saw her. She was right there in the hotel cafe reading a book. I couldn’t resist myself but stare at her just to be interrupted by the receptionist. That was the first time when I saw her.
A litter while later, I met my cousin in his room and we planned to meet up for dinner as I was jet lagged and needed some sleep.
It was nine in the night when I made out of the bed took a shower and got casually dressed for the dinner. As I walked down to the diner room I saw my cousin and his friends. It was there that I saw, it was her again. She was right there among them laughing her heart out. Did I mention, it made my heart skip a beat watching her laugh?
She was too true to be just a coincidence in my life. My cousin introduced to me to everyone and her. She smiled at me and just like it is written in the novels, I knew I wanted that in my life.

It is been three weeks that I have known her and she is been nothing but a good friend to me. I know she is in a relationship with a friend in the same group but I need to know what she feels. She is mysterious rather than an open book she claims to be.
Somewhere deep down I know I could be the one for her. Because how many times do you come across such souls, the one- in-a-lifetime kind of people? And if you do know what it is like to have one of that kind, you will understand what she means to me.

The One After ‘The One’ PART TWO : I was supposedly ‘The One’

It all started when everyone was busy planning the vacation. She looked really happy that we were finally getting some time away from our busy days.
But I had a news, I was being relocated to London and I had to leave.

And the past few months had been tremendously difficult with everyone including her. The only difference was that she didn’t know I was moving away soon.
It was tearing me apart keeping it from her. I know she would have understood but there was no time. I had to leave to set myself up in the new city.

I told her that I’m going for a trip and I left.

It was while I was on my way to start anew I started to think about ways to tell her which by now I was anxious since I have not only kept it from her for over a month but also lied about it.
It was the night she video called me, I wish she hadn’t! I was already tired from all the travelling and thinking and was completely anxious at that point.

And without much thinking the first thing that I said was, “It’s not working out between us.”

To be honest, I was equally shook by what I said just as she looked after hearing me.

I couldn’t cover it up nor could I explain it to her.
I disconnected the call. I did what I had to.

I wish I could turn back time and unsay what I said.

I didn’t want to make it worse.
But now that I’m returning, I have to face her. I have to face her rage. And I am not sure if I will be able to watch her devastated because of me.

The One After ‘The One’   PART ONE : I didn’t tell them.

It wasn’t the first time my relationship did not work out. But it was definitely the first time for me to hear “It’s not working for us anymore.”You see, I have always been the one giving out this reason precisely and now i know how devastating it feels to hear it for myself.
Moreover, it was horrible that it had to happen over a video call that I made to him that night. I shouldn’t really had. Maybe that could have got me some time in this relationship or maybe he would have thought over it again.

But then it happened. We broke up!

I didn’t know how to break this news to my group since he was their friend as well and by friend I don’t mean ‘just the guy they knew who I was in a relationship with’ but also ‘the guy who is a part of this family’.

So I kept shut. I didn’t tell them that this was over because I didn’t want them to pick sides. Not this soon.

Apparently, we(the group) were out for a vacation when this happened. And I didn’t want to spoil it for others as it was already spoiled for me. But the good part was that he wasn’t going to be around for a week. The not so good part was that i had to pretend that the relationship was still as good as always.
Until it was the time for him to join us on this vacation.

Moonlight Eyes! (4/4)

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Art By : Netra Mestry

 

All this while Daniel watching the parked car outside their house knowing Jane is in there with some man and he did see him make a move at her. He knew he wouldn’t be able to watch what happens next and knowing it’s just fair for he did the same, he walks back inside.
Jane being taken back by the move of the fellow stranger, she realizes that she is right outside her house. Hurriedly, she gets out of the car and so does the man in the blue suit.

Jane turns to look at him and says in a rather stern voice, “Thank you for the ride back home. Also, what you intended to do cannot really happen.”
And starts walking back to her house without having any further conversation. Right outside the door while she hears him drive off she rings the bells.

Daniel opens the door and hugs her right away and says, “I know you came in with some man and I saw him make a move at you and no I don’t want to know if the kiss happened. I am just glad that you are safe.” Jane smiled at him.

As they walked in, Jane still smiling. They sat on the couch.
She looked at Daniel and said, “I did not kiss him. I might have but I couldn’t. Sure we are having some issues and I agree to the fact that you kissed another woman but that doesn’t make me want to do the exact same mistake.”

After this he needed nothing further to hear. He knew they were going to work this out together. And if at all she fails to keep up in future he knew exactly what to do. He wouldn’t want to lose her to any mistakes, to any misunderstandings. He wanted her at his forever.
Daniel looks at Jane leans forwards and kisses her.

It was six in the morning. It was one hell of a long night, he thought to himself!

THE END.

Moonlight Eyes! (3/4)

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Art By : Netra Mestry

Jane could feel his eyes on her.
Without any further hesitations she asked him, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

He laughed a little and said, “I have been wondering all this while what has made you so vulnerable at this very odd time.” Looking right into her eyes, “I kept watching you over at the bar. So lost. You seemed to have a fight with yourself.” Jane by now looked so surprised but she knew she needed someone to talk to.

Knowing she has never shared her thoughts with a complete stranger before; but then again she has never been to a random bar all by herself past midnight which by now she has so she took a deep breath and said, “I normally don’t do this but I apparently caught my boyfriend kissing another woman in our apartment while he knew I was out for a trip. And I have been wondering for how many other times he would have done that.”

Jane told him about all the worst possible scenarios she thought would have happened while she was not around. She kept on talking, every tiny details of her insecurities. So much that she did not realize that her destination has arrived and the car has stopped right outside her house.

The man in the blue suit being star struck by Jane ever since the time he saw her couldn’t stop himself and leaned on to kiss her.